Thursday, July 31, 2003

i realise its not easy to let go of certain thoughts at some times.. Maybe when we don't try, its easier..

taken outside my room in school..

penned at ¶ 11:39 PM

Monday, July 28, 2003

i feel faint.. i feel like puking..
but i think i wanna test my thighs later.. in case tmr i cant go.. im going to run and puke ard the school.. if u see a distinctive route, it might be me.

I havent laughed in a while.

penned at ¶ 8:57 PM

something i took while on the way home myself, feeling low..

beautiful sad sunset..

penned at ¶ 1:59 AM

Saturday, July 26, 2003

got myself in a tipsy mode last nite.. ain't good.. couldnt sleep after dat i tell ya.. terrible feeling..
ah.. the song stay's playin now...

penned at ¶ 12:01 PM

Thursday, July 24, 2003

i did wrong.
but im upset.
tell me im wrong.
im a typical girl.

penned at ¶ 11:39 PM

i feel very tired. im in a daze. everything's spinning around me.

BUT, ive stopped it. i can finally get a good rest now. i hope people stop bothering me and give me some peace for at least 1-2 days, but of course, they don't visit tis site, so.. i can only hope.

penned at ¶ 5:00 PM

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

i met min todae. she asked me why. used words like "hunt".. "messed up".. really confused me. sometimes i think its better that i don't know such stuff. but if i don't know, will i lose out? its sometimes better pretending not to know. i really don't want to think too much sometimes. its making life more miserable for me. its as miserable as it already is. with the first day at school and me feeling bloody demoralised. i really want to knock wall.

worse. i have cramps everywhere. thigh muscle cramped towards the end of the game. it has been very tight since last sat's training. but after chasing for the wall with the informidable "uncle" it got worse.. =/

penned at ¶ 11:12 PM

there was a major one today. =(

but all is well now. thank gawd. i never want anything like this to happen again.

penned at ¶ 3:05 AM

Saturday, July 19, 2003

helo. and so im back. it wasnt very fun. yup dats it.

and i felt really really lost today. i didnt noe where i belong. who matters to me, i dont know.
the ones whom im close to always doesnt come. sometimes i feel its pointless for me to go cos however hard and early i try to be, during the real thing, its always those who are better but not always there.. effort doesnt pay off. im getting quite sick of it.

anyway the bulk of tis is going into the book. don't feel safe enuff to spill the milk here. might dirty the place.

penned at ¶ 6:24 PM

Monday, July 14, 2003

i think sometimes when people want to let themselves loose, they should. shouldnt wait for yes, the right time, and no the wrong time... there is never the right or wrong time. missed opportunities happen cos we wait and wait. just do it i say.. u never noe when u will get another chance to do or say the things u really wanna do/say.

penned at ¶ 12:33 PM

Friday, July 11, 2003

its really a wrong day for me.

everything went wrong. from morning to night. i was woken up by him, asked me what bus he can take to collect the tix. after dat i couldnt sleep anymore. mum went out, and so i cooked fried rice fer myself. A very undelicious plate of fried rice i must say. and then bro came home and all went chaos. i hid in my room after dat refusing to go out and whatsoever. bad choice. i slept till 4+ then and grew a serious big bad headache. got ready to go to work and as usual, no sales. but we did however got a half hr break cos the falcon system aint working, and after dat we all left at 9 cos it seemed as though the system refused to be revived today. must have been overworked. returning home, i ate a little bit of the fish and drank the soup. dropped my mum's favourite bowl on the floor while i was carrying it with one hand. happy birthday to me. tmr im goin to be scolded upside down and my dad asked me a very funny qn, why did i do dat? i looked at him and i was thinking, er.. do u think i dropped it on purpose? i think it sounds all trivial-y now dat ive written, or rather typed all tis out, but to add to it, i called him, he didnt pick up until 2 hrs later cos he was at frd's house. i so wanted to talk to him, but i cant get what is in my head to my mouth to say it out, and so we ended on a bad note after dat.. isnt it a bad day for me? when it gets tis low, it cant get any lower.

this song is so what im feelin now, like im the writer and lisa's the artiste in the song... thanks winny for re-introing it to me..
ears: Lisa Loeb - Stay

you say i only hear what i want to.
you say i talk so all the time so.

and i thought what i felt was simple,
and i thought that i don't belong,
and now that i am leaving,
now i know that i did something wrong 'cause i missed you.
yeah, i missed you.

and you say i only hear what i want to:
i don't listen hard,
i don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
or to anyone, anywhere,
i don't understand if you really care,
i'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.

so i turned the radio on, i turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
the lover's in love, and the other's run away,
the lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.

some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dying since the day they were born.
well, this is not that:
i think that i'm throwing, but i'm thrown.

and i thought I'd live forever, but now i'm not so sure.

you try to tell me that i'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.

you said that i was naive,
and i thought that i was strong.
i thought, "hey, i can leave, i can leave."
but now i know that i was wrong, 'cause i missed you.

you said, "i caught you 'cause i want you and one day i'll let you go."
"you try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose.
and you say, "stay."

you say i only hear what i want to.

penned at ¶ 2:17 AM

Sunday, July 06, 2003

well although the day started out badly, it ended quite well.. went to doreen's house fer her birthday.. poor rog couldnt go though.. =/ he would be very very sad.. =p anyway it was a good time hanging out with them.. just like when we were in year 1.. =) good to see some not-so-often-seen friends and being happy with them..

penned at ¶ 2:09 AM

Saturday, July 05, 2003

im so pissed wif myself.. i overslept.. and missed training.. with everything planned and all, now all my plans are dashed. argh, i hate it when tis happens.. *ggrr*

penned at ¶ 11:33 AM

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

is there a grass cutting day which i didn't know about?
woke up in the morning to the tunes of the grass cutter in hall.. trying to take a nap jus now at hme but again woken up by the grass cutter 10 mins after ive tried successfully to sleep..
my bones are aching again.

//re-edit
i really shouldnt care so much about things which doesnt concern me. why bother? we shouldnt be too trying sometimes. whats the point? she cant even be bothered. sometimes when people have got their own life, its all they care about.
oh and yes, im still quite bothered by the comm thing. see? wtf? 1-2 weeks have gone by alr and im still bothered by it. never ASSUME people don't want something unless you've already asked them. that goes for everything else. people assume you will not like it, and so they dun ask u at all. and there goes the chance.