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Sunday, August 22, 2004
today we went to visit ah ma and grandpa... they weren't doing very well..quite sick.. i've never seen grandpa so weak before.. they woke up.. spoke barely a few sentences then went back to lie down again...they couldn't walk properly either.. dad and mum and 2nd uncle decided to bring the 2 of them to hospital where they can be taken care of until they are well enough to go home... i felt very very very sad when i saw them like this.. they didn't eat much either.. only 3-4 strands of the noodles which we bought for them... at that moment i just want to stay with them and take care of them until they are well enough to go home.. walk around.. go downstairs for a walk.. give me a call on the handphone to ask me how i am.. etc.. i miss them being well again.... *crys big raindrops*
on the other hand.. its our 17th mth today.. we didn't talk much.. cus i was out the whole day.. he didnt say anything either.. i was up to the brim in my brains thinking about ah ma and grandpa and the relationship between us.. i know we won't last.. there will not be a forever for us.. so why am i still holding on? becus im afraid to let go... we don't suit each other.. we're not right.. when will i have the courage to stand up for my happiness and end my agony and pain.. i don't want any quarrels.. i don't want any lies and cheatings and cryings anymore.. but if i end it... will i not be sad? i will be.. short term.. but i will be sad.. very sad...
penned at
Thursday, August 19, 2004
xs stayed over in my room last night after training.. it was the first time we spent time talking and crapping together.. haha we talked non stop when we entered the room, yak yak yak until we went to bathe.. still yakking while batheing.. and after dat still talking all the way till we fell asleep on the bed at 5am.. Its nice to have someone talk to you so much when you're lonely.. I guess we both are.. I think we're both very similar.. in terms of thinking wise, friendship and relationship wise.. She's one of the friends I met in my life whom I think we will make very good friends with each other, but with just the lack of opportunity to do so.. She's strong despite her size and i wish my mentality and control could be as strong as hers.... sigh
penned at
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
I feel unappreciated. I don't need big gifts, big thanks. Just an action of appreciation will do just fine. But no, there is none. No matter what I do for whom, theres just no appreciative gestures returning back to me so much so that I wonder if I should stop wasting my time and just mind my own business.
I am having alot of mood swings as well. I really cannot stand being alone. In the room, there are like 4 seasons surrounding me. And it is only me experiencing it all by myself. I wonder if there are any easily available anti mood swing pills out on the market..
If it weren't for my restrain on myself, I think i might have been admitted somewhere long ago.
penned at
Monday, August 02, 2004
I just finished watching the finale episode of the Friends final season.. teared abit. yeah emotional again. Although i haven't been watching alot of it on tv cus i seem to be always busy on Mondays 10pm, I remember in the course of my past 3 years in hall, I have been watching alot of it on my pc. sigh. Friends ending is like a part of my childhood ending as well. I want this 1 year in school to be a good enjoyable one. Its a pity i cannot keep time at a standstill. :~
penned at